Day 1: Monday, 8/19
I enter the classroom nearly an hour and thirty minutes early. I am perpetually too-early for things; my family will tell me to arrive for a 9:00 o'clock party at 9:30, knowing my habits will ensure I arrive on time.
I expect to be alone, to have the time to work out my nerves and maybe practice my introduction. "Hello, my name is Lauren Skaggs and I'll be your instructor for the semester..." My voice is shaky and my hands are trembling and the room is empty. Even though none of the students have arrived yet, my heart is pumping so fast. The anticipation feels more like gas than anything else, bloating in my stomach until I feel really, really uncomfortable.
A student arrives early - I can't remember if it was an hour or thirty minutes, even though it was this morning, but his name is Gaurav - and we talk about his past experience with writing in Texas' form of AP classes. It is nice, and I relax a little. The relaxation slips away as time passes and more students enter, my muscles tightening again.
I'm a nervous person, and I've never really been good at being at the center of attention when in the classroom. Most of my teachers usually resign themselves to the fact that getting me to talk of my own accord isn't going to happen; some still try, making sure to call on me to get my opinion, which is always nice and I appreciate the gesture. Even in a classroom full of friends, my voice gets stuck in my throat and it takes everything - physically and mentally - to say anything at all.
I make it, though, and, for some reason, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Day 2: Wednesday, 8/21
We started the class with a Kahoot quiz over the syllabus. My students were really excited to see Kahoot in the college classroom; some of them expressed that they'd been worried they'd never play Kahoot again after leaving high school, which I found really amusing. One clarified that it was because they were scared that college was just going to be really serious all the time.
It was interesting to hear this expectation, and it made me remember my own expectations for my freshman year. I hadn't thought it was going to be easy, and it certainly wasn't, but I had expected it to be extremely difficult, with late nights and no-sleep-only-coffee, but I didn't even try coffee until my sophomore year. I've never even had an all-nighter.
It's strange to think about how my expectations have been subverted and to wonder about the impact my personality and self-expectations have had on my experiences in college.
We talked about values and the idea of the narrative being in an essay, which I am really excited about. I am a creative writer, and stories have been my life-blood since I was in elementary school. I used to be an avid reader, and I read Little House on the Prarie (the entire collection) every summer. I loved the real experience and self-reflection that flowed throughout Laura Ingalls' story, and since I've been recently introduced to Creative Nonfiction, I feel like the world has opened up to me in a lot of ways. I want my students to feel that way too, to understand that there is a place for their stories, their narratives, their struggles and victories in academia. That they belong in academia.
Day 3: Friday, 8/23
Today, we took the leap; we jumped into the rabbit hole; we leaped into the unknown, hand-in-hand with science and a TEDtalk.
I found their observations about our reading assignments (textbook and TEDtalk) really interesting. I get the feeling that not everyone read or watched the TEDtalk video, but it was still a good discussion among the students who did complete the reading homework. They seemed to grasp the concepts we were discussing, and I could tell they felt more comfortable with the course of our class.
I have a really quiet class, and it just feels like a huge battle to break the silence. I feel like I'm constantly struggling to engage them, to make them participate, but I plan to talk to the other GTAs for assistance.
I love that we get to share offices with each other. It makes it much easier to ask for help, or ask questions about things I'm having trouble with. It also helps me feel more social and more included in the program. I've not been very social in the past, but I am hoping to overcome what has been holding me back this year.
The past three years have been extremely difficult, full of really rocky moments of stress, anxiety, and familial loss. For the past three or two semesters, I've had a close family member pass away a week or so before finals or exams. My last year in my undergrad felt like it was sucking the life out of me, which was probably a culmination of school, stress, and living with my long-time best friend when she was overcoming an eating disorder, followed by her grieving for her ex-boyfriend's suicide...
I want to get past the problems I've had before. I want this year to be my best yet - and not in terms of good grades. I want to be more social and more successful in school, of course, but, most of all, I just want to be happy. I think that's going to happen this year! :)
Teaching, even though its only been a week, has made me feel more confident in myself.
I enter the classroom nearly an hour and thirty minutes early. I am perpetually too-early for things; my family will tell me to arrive for a 9:00 o'clock party at 9:30, knowing my habits will ensure I arrive on time.
I expect to be alone, to have the time to work out my nerves and maybe practice my introduction. "Hello, my name is Lauren Skaggs and I'll be your instructor for the semester..." My voice is shaky and my hands are trembling and the room is empty. Even though none of the students have arrived yet, my heart is pumping so fast. The anticipation feels more like gas than anything else, bloating in my stomach until I feel really, really uncomfortable.
A student arrives early - I can't remember if it was an hour or thirty minutes, even though it was this morning, but his name is Gaurav - and we talk about his past experience with writing in Texas' form of AP classes. It is nice, and I relax a little. The relaxation slips away as time passes and more students enter, my muscles tightening again.
I'm a nervous person, and I've never really been good at being at the center of attention when in the classroom. Most of my teachers usually resign themselves to the fact that getting me to talk of my own accord isn't going to happen; some still try, making sure to call on me to get my opinion, which is always nice and I appreciate the gesture. Even in a classroom full of friends, my voice gets stuck in my throat and it takes everything - physically and mentally - to say anything at all.
I make it, though, and, for some reason, it's not as bad as I thought it was going to be.
Day 2: Wednesday, 8/21
We started the class with a Kahoot quiz over the syllabus. My students were really excited to see Kahoot in the college classroom; some of them expressed that they'd been worried they'd never play Kahoot again after leaving high school, which I found really amusing. One clarified that it was because they were scared that college was just going to be really serious all the time.
It was interesting to hear this expectation, and it made me remember my own expectations for my freshman year. I hadn't thought it was going to be easy, and it certainly wasn't, but I had expected it to be extremely difficult, with late nights and no-sleep-only-coffee, but I didn't even try coffee until my sophomore year. I've never even had an all-nighter.
It's strange to think about how my expectations have been subverted and to wonder about the impact my personality and self-expectations have had on my experiences in college.
We talked about values and the idea of the narrative being in an essay, which I am really excited about. I am a creative writer, and stories have been my life-blood since I was in elementary school. I used to be an avid reader, and I read Little House on the Prarie (the entire collection) every summer. I loved the real experience and self-reflection that flowed throughout Laura Ingalls' story, and since I've been recently introduced to Creative Nonfiction, I feel like the world has opened up to me in a lot of ways. I want my students to feel that way too, to understand that there is a place for their stories, their narratives, their struggles and victories in academia. That they belong in academia.
Day 3: Friday, 8/23
Today, we took the leap; we jumped into the rabbit hole; we leaped into the unknown, hand-in-hand with science and a TEDtalk.
I found their observations about our reading assignments (textbook and TEDtalk) really interesting. I get the feeling that not everyone read or watched the TEDtalk video, but it was still a good discussion among the students who did complete the reading homework. They seemed to grasp the concepts we were discussing, and I could tell they felt more comfortable with the course of our class.
I have a really quiet class, and it just feels like a huge battle to break the silence. I feel like I'm constantly struggling to engage them, to make them participate, but I plan to talk to the other GTAs for assistance.
I love that we get to share offices with each other. It makes it much easier to ask for help, or ask questions about things I'm having trouble with. It also helps me feel more social and more included in the program. I've not been very social in the past, but I am hoping to overcome what has been holding me back this year.
The past three years have been extremely difficult, full of really rocky moments of stress, anxiety, and familial loss. For the past three or two semesters, I've had a close family member pass away a week or so before finals or exams. My last year in my undergrad felt like it was sucking the life out of me, which was probably a culmination of school, stress, and living with my long-time best friend when she was overcoming an eating disorder, followed by her grieving for her ex-boyfriend's suicide...
I want to get past the problems I've had before. I want this year to be my best yet - and not in terms of good grades. I want to be more social and more successful in school, of course, but, most of all, I just want to be happy. I think that's going to happen this year! :)
Teaching, even though its only been a week, has made me feel more confident in myself.
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