The Second Week

8/26-8/30

8/26 (Monday):

Today, I had my students present the “About Me” collages. The collages were to have 5 images, and every collage was successful in that requirement. Unfortunately, some of my instruction didn’t quite take into account the type of images they would find. Some students choose images of text, stating things like “family” or “respect”, and there were quite a lot of stock photos for sports and other things as opposed to individualized photographs. I am not entirely sure that the assignment went over well, as our discussion did not truly delve deep into the values that their images could or did reflect. The students, however, seemed delighted to learn more about each other and many seemed eager to share bits and pieces of their life.

One student (Charlie) told me afterward that he thought it was a fun activity, but he could not see the merit or the effectiveness of presenting images with the goal of revealing values. I believe that I lead my students to misinterpret the assignment, as I simply desired them to find images of things that interested them or were important to them as opposed to them sharing their deep core values. He was concerned with how early in the semester I seemed to expect them to be so open and willing to spill their life stories – something I hadn’t intended with the assignment. His feedback certainly opened my eyes and has made me realize that my language might need more careful construction and review.

It was also a little discouraging to receive such criticism, and yet really encouraging that he felt he had the option to tell me such a strong (and controversial) opinion.

8/28-8/30 (Wednesday & Friday)

Last week, in my Teaching Composition class, they asked us to write about our biggest goals. I didn't write this in my teaching journal for last week, because I was pretty consumed with other things, but I wanted to put it in for this week. It feels like it fits.

SO, one of my biggest goals this semester is to foster a learning environment that allows my students to be themselves. My biggest worry about this the semester is not being able to create that earning environment.

My students, so far, are not very talkative. They do not seem to wish to share themselves, their identities, or even their names with each other. The first day, as I think I mentioned before, when we played “Someone Who...” Bingo, the room was actually completely silent for minutes at a time. The entire premise of the introduction game was speaking to one another and yet they managed to keep in total silence. It was a little baffling to have to encourage them to speak in such a low stakes activity, and I even had to encourage them to stand and walk around. (Although, having to do so made my confidence rise and allowed me to feel more in-charge than I might have with an extremely talkative class.)

I think I now understand their hesitance better, after some self-reflection where I considered their position and that they are transitioning into a new and terrifying world. I had to have a little help getting there (thank you to my mom for reminding me about how scared I was my first year at OU...), but I feel like I've got a good grasp on where they're coming from.

In order to encourage more discussion and friendliness, I have taken to rearranging their seating arrangement. I decided to pair people who sat alone with each other, as each table in my classroom fits two, and I crossed my fingers. My students have actually stayed with each other (the ones that I have moved). Two of them were girls, Emily and Hannah, and they have hit it off spectacularly. They seem to deeply enjoy the other’s company and appear to have found a great companion for this class. It is/was really rewarding to see them greet one another and discuss their days or their plans for the weekend. I hope they stay close!

Recently, two others girls, Imogen and Jeni, have decided on their own to pair up. I think watching them seek out a partner for conversation offered a lot of relief. It helps me realize that they aren’t simply disinterested or ignoring the subject of our discussion; they just need help in raising their comfort levels and being okay with sharing their voice. I remember when I was still a freshman, and I could not speak at all in a class. I have to remind myself, daily, that I still have issues with public speaking. My own journey has not resulted in perfect public speaking skills or total confidence in myself. This is the journey that my students are only just beginning.

I didn’t realize how many expectations I had placed upon my students until I realized that they weren’t completely fulfilling them. I think I need to consider how to respect where they are at, but I struggle with the idea of letting them work themselves up to the task of speaking in class. I feel, especially with my own experience, that letting the fear and insecurity keep you from participating in discussion and in small groups causes you to feel alienated.

(Actually, you know, that could be a great topic for a lyric essay. I think it’d be fun to do it in “hermit crab” where the essay is hidden/written in the format of a lesson plan...)

Feeling alienated in the classroom is the very opposite of my desire for my students. I want them to feel included and that their opinions/thoughts/feelings are all valid even if they are not universally agreed upon or are not fueled with hate. I am just unsure. It is really overwhelming (?) to stand at the front of the classroom and receive no response other than maybe a few facial expressions of agreement. Mostly they are all wearing the same blank expression, which is so wild and confusing.

Update: I have found out that they are all really tired. Exhausted, really. My little raccoons with dark circles and big emotionless eyes. Haha.